Vento’s Journal Entry 6- So after we killed the gargoyles we met with The Mayor of the Country who took us each aside to so we could converse about our rewards for basically saving Mordentshire. The others all went in and I assume asked for fluffy unicorns, magic belts of pants retention, and books for nerds… whatever, I know what I want and it ain’t some fucking trinket. I sit down and draw on the power of Competency that has been granted me and outline terms for Mordent to supply and support the re-occupation of Darkon. We hash out terms and make a gentleman’s agreement (note to self: stop molesting his daughters as he may be a bit sore about it). We then head out to the ship and secure passage, the cat gets really uppity about the fee (though it is 1000 gold which is pretty ridiculous.) We then head to the sister’s alchemy shoppe and find them wallowing in depression about their stupid uncle being dead. We slap them around a bit and we all call each other names, stuff like “stupid”, “whore”, “monstrous being who delights in the deaths of the innocent” y’know, all the usual stuff. They latch onto some vain hope that Van Richten isn’t really dead and we just sort of go with it… They’re building us a magic robot; they can be as crazy as they want so long as it doesn’t affect their work. We then just kinda jack around town until the festival being held in our honor… did I mention that? I feel like I did. Before the festival 140 is reactivated and we proceed to shit money into him and watch him produce fantastic pants (we each got 30k for services rendered but that ain’t no thang). We attend the festival where Mayor Danny introduces all my companions as awesome people who shoot lazers and save kittens. I’m a bit put out but I understand he may not want to advertise his connection to a Darkonite. He then proceeds to blow that theory out of the water when he trumpets our agreement to the world and proclaims me “Azalin Rex aka The Wizard King”. It was all worth it just to see the look on Z’s face.
You don’t know how much I wished the day just ended there… Gloomy has been working his mojo behind the scenes and has managed to get all our rewards held hostage until we make actual progress on the whole Jack thing… Whatever, he just wants us to go get George from Nova Vassa which I was planning on doing anyway! The thing of better note is that Boris removed an uppity butler from the timestream for a bit which was friggin hilarious. We head out on the boat and guess who’s on board already? If you guessed Strahd, the old Azalin, and Lord Soth then you really need your head examined… also you’re wrong. No, our old friend Discount Al is also a passenger on this ship and Capn Tim The Suprisingly Competent has decreed we have to all play nice. I expect this to end with all of us lined up and pierced through with his GodRapier but hey maybe I’ll be wrong! The next few days are filled with lots of hunting and fishing so in the interest of your frontal lobes I’ll fast forward.
We make port in some swamp town with a bunch of hot people who aren’t very sociable and who also refuse to have sex with me despite buying them a bunch of drinks and fuck you lady your face is basically painted on! Anyway, we notice that it’s taking a really long time to unload the damn boat (like 3 days) and we’re all getting pretty tired of the horrible visions the town has been throwing at us… The captain informs us that it’s been like 1 night to him… Yeah something’s not awesome here. The leader of the town informs us that the town is weird and then she sends me outside because of something I did or said… I dunno. She then proceeds to have crazy monkey sex with the rest of the party because she’s a whore. Later that night we’re all trying to not go insane when a giant hook descends from the heavens and we hear creepy singing. Overwhelmingly deciding we’ve lost the battle with madness we head towards it. The hook as a kid impaled on it with the town mayor/whore standing around talking crazy. She also looks quite a bit more murdery than she previously did. She pulls some crazy magic shit wherein she drains me of all my old man strength and makes Z dumb as a bag of hammers. Luckily a well placed Disintegrate sets her straight. I wonder what tomorrow’s gonna bring!